just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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