the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my sisters under your porch take her home
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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