i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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