the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
