There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
