dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
