Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
