those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
