I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize