Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
