I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
