Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
