i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
