remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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