he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
