dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize