i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
