I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
