i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
