i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
