guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He felt like a one man threesome
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
