I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
