before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
