We're facebook friends in real life
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
