Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
