just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
