Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Green mimosas i think yes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
