i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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