I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
