She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
