i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
