Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
