It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
