I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
