they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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