it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
