No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
