Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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