haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
