you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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