hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
