I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
