woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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