I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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