You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize