I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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