Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
