you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
