Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
