Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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