Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize