Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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