Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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