Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
