He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
