You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
