I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
