i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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