i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize