I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
