You really coming over, don't trick.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is Oprah even human
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
