sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
