My nipple is on Facebook.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Someone shattered a urinal.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
ok first of all what the fuck
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