im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
