Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
