I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
