How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
