I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
